Pesan dari Dale Carnegie

1. Create your own emotions.

“If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic.”

Emotions work backwards too. You can use that to your advantage. If you are stuck in a negative emotion then you can often shake it off. Change your body – how you move, sit and stand – and act as you would like to feel. Enthusiasm and other positive emotions are much more useful and pleasurable for everyone in an interaction. Because…

2. It’s not so much about the logical stuff.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”

This is so key. Logic is good but in the end, in interactions and in life, we are emotional creatures. We send and receive emotions from other people. That is one reason why body language and voice tonality is often said be up to 93% of communication. Now, those numbers were for some specific situations but I still believe that these two ways of communication are very, very important.

The body language and the voice tonality is a bit like the rest of the iceberg, the great mass below the tip of the words we use. Those two things communicate how we are feeling and give indication to what we are thinking. And that’s why it’s important to be able to change how you feel. To be in a positive mood while interacting. Because that will have a great impact on how you say something and how you use your body. And those two things will have a big impact on your results and relationships.

3. Three things you are better off avoiding.

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Now these things may not be easy to avoid all together. Much of our interactions and perhaps even bonds are created and maintained through those three negative C’s. There is a sort of twisted pleasure in criticising, condemning and complaining. It might make you feel more important and like a better person as you see yourself as a victim or as you condemn other people’s behaviour.

But in the end these three C’s are negative and limiting to your life. Bringing up negative stuff and wallowing in it will lower your mood, motivation and general levels of wellbeing. And this can trap you in a negative spiral of complaining, complaining with other complainers and always finding faults in your reality.

You will also be broadcasting and receiving negative emotions. And people in general want to feel good. So this can really put an obstacle in the way for your interactions or relationships.

4. What is most important?

“The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most.”

Classic advice. Don’t talk too much about yourself and your life. Listen to other people instead. However, if they ramble on and on, if they don’t reciprocate and show and interest in your life then you don’t have to stay.

Some things people may treasure the most include ideas, children, a special hobby and the job. And…

5. Focus outward, not inward.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

A lot of people use the second, far less effective way. It is appealing because it’s about instant gratification and about ME, ME, ME! The first way – to become interested in people – perhaps works better because it make you a pleasant exception and because the law of reciprocity is strong in people. As you treat people, they will treat you. Be interested in them and they will be interested in you.

I would like to add that one hard thing about this can be to be genuinely interested in the other guy/gal. Your genuine interest is projected though your body language and tonality. So, just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can talk again isn’t really genuine interest. And that may shine through. And so your interactions will suffer.

6. Take control of your emotions.

“The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another’s keeping.”

It wrote about this problem a few days ago in 9 Great Ways to Make Yourself Absolutely Miserable. And it basically consist of being too reliant or dependent on external validation from other people. External validation is something someone communicates to you that tells you that you are person of value. That you, for example, are pretty, smart or successful.

This leaves much of your emotions in the hands of other people. It becomes an emotional rollercoaster. One day you feel great. The next day you feel like just staying in bed.

But if you fill that inner cup of validation for yourself instead then you take over the wheel. Now you’re driving, now you control how you feel. You can still appreciate compliments of course, but you aren’t dependent on them.

This will make you more emotionally stable and enables you to cultivate and build your emotional muscles in a more controlled way. You can for instance help yourself to become more optimistic or enthusiastic more of the time. This stability and growth can be big help in your relationships.

7. No, they are not holding you back.

“Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.”

Caring too much about what people think will create and feed imaginary monsters within your mind. You may for instance think that people will condemn you if you try something. Maybe they will. But most of the time people are thinking about their own challenges and ups and downs. They just don’t care that much about what you do.

This may feel disappointing. It can also be liberating. It helps you remove inner obstacles that are you holding yourself back.

As you, bit by bit or in one big swoop, release those inner brakes you become more of yourself. You become more confident, you have a better chance at success, and you will feel more positive feelings and less negative ones. All these things can give a big boost to your interactions and help you sharpen those social skills.

8. So, what’s in it for me?

“There is only one way… to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.”

If you want someone to do something then will they care about your motivation for getting this thing done? Perhaps. Often they will not have that great of an interest in what you want out of something.

They want to know what they will get out of it. So, for the both of you to get what you want out of something tell that person what’s in it for him/her. And try to be genuine and positive about it. A reason for them to do it delivered in a lame, half-assed manner may not be so persuasive. And so you both lose.

9. How to win an argument.

“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”

Getting two egos wrapped up in an argument, having two sides defending their positions desperately, will not improve relationships. You are more likely to feel negative feelings towards each other long after the argument is over. And so you both wallow in negativity and you both lose. When possible, just avoiding unnecessary arguments is a win-win situation.

10. It’s about more than your words.

“There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.”

I often feel that there is a bit too much emphasis on the third way of contact (what we say). Don’t forget about the rest. Most people stereotype people at their first meeting. They might not want to but it is a way for their – and perhaps your – mind to organize impressions and people. So think about how you look. Think about how you make first impressions. Think about your body language. And how you are saying your sentences.

Think about how you feel because that will be reflected out into the world. And the world will often reflect back something similar.

Alasan Pelatih Alfred Riedl tidak selebrasi gol

Tahu tidak sih, kenapa ekspresi-nya Pelatih yang udah beberapa kali jadi pelatih timnas di asia tenggara, seperti Vietnam, Laos, Indonesia.
dingin gitu pas tiap tiap ada gol.
kira2 begini nih:
awalnya gue rasa perangainya emang jutek gitu, atau emang wajahnya dari lahir begitu.
ternyata dia itu, masih punya rasa kurang nyaman, kalau mesti "mempermalukan" tim tamu, seperti laos,malaysia.
dibeberapa komentar wawancara pers dia bilang, hanya menduga menang 3-1 atas malaysia (link),
3-0 atas laos(link), dan merasa hasil seri adalah adil saat melawan thailand ((link)
makanya dia diem aja pas ada gol dari Indonesia.

abis itu saya menemukan fakta yang mengejutkan, pas dia masih melatih Vietnam tahun 2007-an, dia itu kena penyakit ginjal, sehingga dokter menyarankan transplantasi ginjal, nah pas saat itu,hampir 80 fans sepakbola vietnam menawarkan diri jadi donor ginjal, satu orang dipilih.
dan transplantasi itu sukses. sehingga dia jadi sehat seperti semula

para fans itu hanya ingin memberikan suatu terima kasih, kepada sang pelatih vietnam, yang telah membangkitkan timnas mereka.

makanya itu, sejak saat itu dia merasa selalu berhutang kepada setiap supporter sepakbola, makanya tiap ada gol ke tim lawan, dia cenderung pasif, dan terkadang hanya melakukan selebrasi sekadarnya saja. untuk menjaga perasaan mereka para supporter sepakbola.

Expecto Patronum!

Selepas membaca novel dan menyaksikan film Harry Potter, ada satu fragmen kisahnya yang paling menarik diriku. Aku tak tahu apakah. Barangkali kita umumnya menganggap dongeng Harry Potter itu hanyalah dongeng anak biasa, seperti dongeng-dongeng Grimmy, H.C. Andersen, Enyd Blyton, Exuperry, atau lainnya. Tetapi
setelah membaca kisah Harry Potter melawan dementor, dan menyaksikan filmnya, rasanya ada sesuatu yang patut direnungkan.

Aku rasa nggak perlu berpanjang-panjang merangkum plotnya. Aku hanya ingin menulis sesuatu yang kutangkap dari pelajaran ilmu sihir baru yang dipelajari Harry Potter saat dirinya dikuasai oleh ketakutan terhadap makhluk jahat yang berjuluk dementor.

"Expecto patronum!" adalah ajaran mantra sihir yang konon bisa
mengalahkan dementor. Tafsirku atas bagian ini adalah ini merupakan semacam metafora. Harry Potter dalam kisah ini dikuasai oleh ketakutannya pada dementor yang membuatnya tercekik lemas setiap kali
berhadapan dengannya, bahkan dalam mimpinya sekalipun. Akhirnya sang guru yang baru mengetahui persoalan ini dan mengajarinya sihir yang bisa mengalahkan sang dementor. Makhluk macam apakah dementor itu? Dementor, menurutku adalah metafora untuk kesesatan, keputusasaan, kecemasan tentang ketidakpastian. Kita semua sering mengalaminya. Ketidakpastian nasib kita pada masa depan, kesalahan yang kita lakukan, semuanya membuat kita gelisah, hilang harapan. Potter dibayangi-bayangi oleh kegelapan semacam ini. Mantra expecto patronum rasanya seperti berarti "to expect a patron," semacam mantra minta
perlindungan. Barangkali kalau diterjemahkan secara bebas
artinya "aku mohon perlindungan." Perlindungan dari apa? Dari
dementor, yang menghilangkan harapan (Harry Potter yang tercekik dan lemas, tak berdaya dan lumpuh, adalah seperti keadaan orang yang putus asa).

Tetapi sekedar mengucapkan mantra expecto patronum tak menjamin bisa mengalahkannya. Dalam episode latihan, di depan semacam "kotak ajaib" yang bisa menghadirkan pikiran seseorang, Harry Potter dilatih untuk menghadapi bayangan dementor. Harry Potter mengucapkannya, tetapi pada awalnya gagal. Latihan terus diulang tetapi tetap saja gagal mengusir bayangan dementor. Akhirnya sang guru mengatakan agar ucapan itu dilandasi dengan keyakinan yang kuat, ketulusan dan keteguhan. Setelah diulang-ulang dengan kesungguhan dan ketulusan, barulah Harry Potter bisa membuat mantra itu mengeluarkan efeknya - mengeluarkan cahaya putih yang mengenyahkan dementor yang hitam. Dan ketika pada
akhirnya Harry Potter menghadapi dementor beneran, kekuatan mantra ini berhasil membuyarkan gerombolan dementor yang mengerikan itu-.

Kita semua pernah berdoa, mohon perlindungan dari apa saja: dari
ketakutan, rasa gelisah, putus asa. Tetapi seringkali kita merasa doa
kita tak juga terjawab. Barangkali Harry Potter hendak mengajari kita
bahwa doa agar terkabul mesti dilandasi oleh keyakinan kuat dan
ketulusan – atau kebeningan. Doa yang tulus bisa mengubah sesuatu,
seperti kekuatan sihir. Kita barangkali pernah mendengar doa-doa orang suci yang bisa mengubah nasib. Bukankah kekuatan doa, jika
bekerja, efeknya seperti sihir? Orang yang senantiasa berdoa dengan tulus, biasanya jiwanya akan tenang dan tampak "semeleh." (ridho). Sebab berdoa pada hakikatnya adalah upaya mendekatkan diri kita kepada Tuhan.. Dengan mantra "expecto patronum" yang tulus dan
dilandasi keyakinan yang kuat, Harry berhasil mengenyahkan dementor, sumber ketakutan dan kegelisahan dan putus asa. Ringkasnya, barangkali mbak Rowling ingin berpesan bahwa doa, jika dipanjatkan dengan tulus, kekuataannya bak sihir, gitu loh..

Sumber : http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/diskusinovel/message/382

Web Anak Muda

Telah diluncurkan web untuk anak muda yang ingin sukses.. web yang sangat menarik untuk di klik..
silahkan klik tautan d bawah ini.
(http://www.anakmudasukses.com)
selamat mendapat ilmu.